nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
