I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
