Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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