Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why is there bacon in the couch?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
