OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I touched a dick in church today
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
