erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
