i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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