I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
