She just used a chaser for red wine.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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