I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize