if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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