You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
handjob tips. give me some.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize