i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
