I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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