My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
