Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
