Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
