i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
