only you would photoshop your dick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
