i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
