She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
People with herpes should wear stickers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize