bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
