I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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