I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
