Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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