eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
