based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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