I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
