On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You're like the curious george of whores
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
