Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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