Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
