before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize