Are we in a gay sports bar?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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