So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
PANTIES FOUND
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