I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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