WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
