anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
