I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
