He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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