Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
