btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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