have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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