I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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