Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
