Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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