There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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