Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
