I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
