We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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