Got a toothbrush?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Boobs are out for the taking
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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