Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Be still, my beating vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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