When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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