I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hippo gnu deer
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
