Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
