u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
