Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
