O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
