To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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