i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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