Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
