I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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