I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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