When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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