At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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