I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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