Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
one might say we're banned from that church
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
