Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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