Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
