your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize