they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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