Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
