This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
