so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I forgot wine drunk hurts
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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